My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
