When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
