Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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