Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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