You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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