What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
