dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
