I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
