you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
