You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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