I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
