Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
In America we eat man semen.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
