: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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