Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
