when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
