Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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