Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
