nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
