she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dear god my vagina.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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