Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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