go do what you do best...puke behind churches
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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