So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
false alarm, still single
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