I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
do herpes really smell.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
