i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
