I just pynch a tree in the face
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
