Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
