you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
