oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
