I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
