Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
