she looked like the before picture.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
