imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dicks are not precious.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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