I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
barbara walters just said penis...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why do cheetos always look like penises
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
