Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
