i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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