You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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