It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
