if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
