Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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