M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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