GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
