BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
