I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
