i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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