What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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