i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
