they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
