Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
