will power is for people who don't want to get laid
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
