The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
