By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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