Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
