whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
