Fine. I'll sleep in my office
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
