i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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