Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
