Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
