I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
