dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
