yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk is a universal language darling
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