Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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