thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
