chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
