Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
