and my herpes radar will keep us safe
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
