the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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