oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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