She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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