I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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